This past week I had a bit of a vulnerability hang over – in case you are not familiar with that term, basically I put myself out there and then immediately regretted it. Even as I hit publish last week on my blog I immediately began to worry. What will people think? My very thin veneer of self-protection had chipped and was peeling.
You see, I have always been the one who knows what to do or what to say. I have it down for others but have not been great at taking my own advice. I “know” that I am beloved, and I “know” that He cares and is aware of what is going on in my heart. But (and here in lies the problem) I have not been “feeling” it. I am learning to settle in my heart that my emotions will need time to catch up with my mind and that is just ok.
There is an old expression – “if you are going through Hell, just keep going” So my friends, that is what I am doing. I am not going to stop my emotions or my feelings, I am going to allow them to come so they don’t get stuck, or should I say I won’t get stuck in them.
My feelings are not my identity, any more than my roles or my accomplishments are, but they cannot be denied or stuffed. This has been a part of my lifelong journey of discovering who I am. I have always been the one who is the “life of the party”, “joy bringer”, or the “fun girl”. I absolutely embrace all those things and do not deny it as who I am, but I have not been feeling any of that, and so my tendency has been to just hide or make up excuses. I just never want to let anyone down.
Someone told me, just this week, it is ok on the one hand, to be the accomplished woman, coach, pastor, and on top of things kind of woman and the other hand, the grieving, scared, self-doubting and questioning woman. My feelings do not define me, but they are a part of who I am and more importantly who I am becoming.
I have learned so much in this season, and as a forever student I do not want to stop learning. I figure until I see Jesus’ face to face, He has something for me to learn this side of heaven. One of the biggest things I have learned up to this point is the way to heal is by being a part of a loving, encouraging, and empathic community. I have so many friends who love me even when I am not the “happy go lucky” girl they have seen me as. They have reached out to love, listen, and challenge me to not quit believing in who I am and whose I am.
Healthy community has the power to heal, but only as much as we are willing to be healed. This past couple of years I have been a part of an unintentional community. A dear friend reached out to eight of us via text to ask us to simply pray for her as she has been navigating some very hard life challenges with health and family. We have been ready to pray any and every time she texts. We are in different parts of the country and many of us don’t even know one another and yet as we have come together around this common goal of lifting our friend up in prayer I have watched as we began to cheer one another on as well.
Here is the catch, my friend was intentional and vulnerable to ask us. She took the risk of rejection, but she got acceptance and love in return. We all got to experience and walk with her figuratively and some of us literally what she was going through. This common goal united our hearts.
I will leave you with this thought-
“The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.” – Coretta Scott King
This week if you are in a great community, let them know how great they are. If you are not in a good community, take the risk and find someone else who needs a friend and be that to them. Make Monday Matter by your measure of kindness and compassion.